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The Adventures of An Actor. Finding “THE” Agent Part 2.




January 27th, 2018

One of the things in my life I still must face, is one that led me to write to grand agencies and in particular to one Agent (“H”) from one big Agency that has been on my mind since the beginning of all this acting life.

Some time ago I was a little kid sprouting out and dreaming of my future life, who had beautiful thoughts on how my life will be one day. Being an actress and joking about it after seeing some film on the big screen was part of it. Let’s say it was a dream that did not match my father’s plans and was met with “this thought should not even be allowed to take root in your mind; that is a world you’ll never reach; don’t even think about it, you’re not special” (what a cliché!). No acting, no “theatre - like” reading (will speak about this in another article), no dream of going to art school, nothing that seemed unpractical to him was allowed. “No drawing school unless you agree to become an architect” …Architect? Really? No way! That was your dream not mine” and so on and so on. In a way, I get it. In a country like Romania, there is nothing someone can really do and have a decent life if choosing art, so parents do try to push towards medic, lawyer, IT, whatever brings the bucks. But that is no way to behave and raise a child. Forbidding to develop is the worse, hence me spilling my guts here about him. Due to various reasons, I do know, my mom preferred to stay away and not get involved (why have kids at all? But... whatever). We’re here now. After dodging my father’s plans in as smart ways as I could, I somehow managed to find something I liked. Botany was my love. As a Biologist, after my Ph.D. I ended up working at one of the most respected universities in the country. Everyone was proud. For me, Botany had what I was in love with – colour, texture, survival instinct, beauty, logic, invasiveness, life. And it was ok for a while. But life has a way of turning you back to your first thoughts. Yes, life always finds a way and throws a curveball. Events got out of control, situations exploded, the past crawled back and memories long gone were back (will also touch this subject in a future article). From that moment on, nothing was the same. I could see clearly the world I was in, how future will turn to be, could see the people, the facts, the reality. It was like fog has lifted, and with all the love for my work, I had nothing left to stay there for. Nature is all around me. As a Biologist I see it, I understand and enjoy it. But my life had to change. So all was left behind, most ties torn, and a new life begun far, far, away from “the place of the forbidden dreams”. The shock of family and friends… oh, that was a delight!! The shock of leaving such a high appraised workplace, years and years of work and degrees in science. OMG! I am still laughing! Why? Because I am free.

So, I wrote to THAT Agent “H”. Because I am worthy of doing that. I am allowed to dream that far, I have the right and I owe it to myself to write to him. I have all the rights in this world to dear to dream of that “forbidden” world. Because it is not forbidden. I may not be there yet, but I am finding my way towards it. Step by step, I am unwrapping and throwing away the layers of denial, of lies, of control and oppression. It’s my life, my freedom, my dream. He might never write back. I might never get to meet him or be represented by that particular Agency. But I did it. I made it to that point in my life when I am aware I can just do something simply because I desire it, and that I am my own special little one who can try reach towards whatever my heart wants. It’s sad. Really. But not unique. What is truly sad, is that the world is swamped with people like me, but they could not find the way to empower themselves. And might never do it. Acting has set me free. Opened me up and allowed myself to manifest. This is how I know is what I was meant to do, at least for now. That this is the right path. And I am not afraid anymore.

February 2018

Let us leave behind the past and the processes of self-evolution, and let’s continue this strange adventure and see what happened with all those emails.

Out of 65 emails, I only received 4 automatic replies, 1 email saying my details will be handed further to the agents, and 7 who kindly said NO. Basically, only 8 agencies replied in one way or another. I am not complaining, just stating the facts not only for the starting out actors, but also for the outside people who can’t just get how of 65 none was interested? Imagine them making 65 applications, and I bet you can already hear the phone calls and the interviews taking place. Of course, but there is no business like our business and we look like freaks to “them”.

Regarding other issues, my StarMeter reached …who the f**k knows (LOL)!!!! Every time it goes up I feel the stardom! I am so much more talented and important this week then I was in the last 2 or 3. Call me! Cast me! Represent me! Too much sarcasm? Ups, sorry :D. Wait, wait… I won’t be as good next week as I am this one so please hurry : ))))))))))))))))

I might have added a few more followers here and there on my media but nothing significant. Really, have no intention of paying people for this. Seriously. I have better things to do with money.

As regarding applying to Acting Agencies, I suppose I will take a bit of a break for now. I am still with Agent “W” and as things aren’t that rosy between us, I keep hoping I might get a reply and be called in by any of the targeted agencies. In the meantime, I am enjoying the winter and painting a little. Will write more once things start moving in one or another direction.

End of part 2.

Keep you posted!

And lots of luck to all of you actors out there who know this struggle!

© 2018 Carmen Silva


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