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TIME OFF, MEDICATION, BREXIT. New mindset needed.

Have been taking a couple of days off from acting as a result of a medical impediment as I like to call it. I guess I realised I cared too much for people and stuff that did not reciprocate, and consumed myself hard enough to end up in a bit of a strain.

Trying not to talk about politics, but Brexit is no help either, as the level of psychological stress it causes is tremendous. Not knowing what will happen is excruciating and, in my worst moments, I tend to believe it falls into some sort of warfare meant to eradicate as many immigrants as possible before the doors close. The truth is also the political party can’t make promises while the ones across the Channel don’t do it either; so that lives a lot of people from different nationalities, including British, floating in mid-air (why can’t these ones here be the bigger person?). I came here to live. To build a career, to fill in a place. I make my money, I pay my taxes. The truth is, I want to know what on Earth my status is. We all know what is being said. Europeans that are already here are safe. But until written down, I don’t believe it.

These days I am learning to let go. To stop worrying, to find a way.

The truth is, London is one of the places to be in the business. Otherwise, the US. Harder to reach by a Romanian. So, yes, I have arrived in 2014, like a good girl, when I was allowed not before. I sold everything back home. Closed down every bit of an account, quit my university job and was ready for a clean slate. And it worked. A month after I arrived I had my NINO and my first emails were exchanged about an acting job. By the end of my second month here, I was filming my first scenes. Funny enough, it was on my birthday. Took it as a sign! It’s been now 2 years and 7 months since my career took off. I am staying here. I might not be a 100% sure of it yet, for people are being treated as an exchange currency, but this is nothing new in this world. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing pro or con to say about Brexit. It’s the people’s wish, of some anyway, but no comment. It is just hard on me (and others in my situation) and I feel it quite seriously. So, I want to talk about it. I know many English actors, director, producers, agents and casting directors are not happy with it either. But that’s the situation now and we got to find new ways.

One of the things that stressed me was the “due date” of Brexit. Because of my medical issues - the ones I was talking about at the beginning. That rumour saying that after the triggering date, the Europeans that come in the UK won’t be given the right to “indefinite stay” even if it will be at least 2 more years until the actual exit. March 15th was the first, now apparently is set for the 29th… who knows. I realised that is not a good time to leave the UK not even for a little trip home to see family, friend and some doctors. Even with the exit proof in my hand in form of a plane ticket from here to there, with all my papers and work contracts here, I felt afraid to get out and God forbid return after the “due date”. This is how low my level of trust has gone. I am not the paranoid type. Today, I am. Hopefully it will be gone by tomorrow but I don’t really think so. It’s a time to stay in, and have your papers in order.

My medical issues? Will have to wait. I had a dental abscess above a fixed bridge. The dentist here advised me to go back to Romania to the specialist who made it, and sort it out. In the meantime, I kept on shoving antibiotics down my throat. I looked like a Who. For 4 days, I could say “Welcome to Whoville!!!” but I was more of a Grinch. Luckily, I did not turn green. Worst? A rash I developed in February due to an upsetting family situation, came back angrier. Have you ever had a rash reaction due to stress? No? Good for you. Now I am medicating again. And embalming in creams filled with chemicals. Love it! Had to postpone filming due to its localisation around my neck. Looks like I was strangled.

So, I decided to stop. To take a short break. But I am not going home yet. My abscess retreated. My face is back to normal. My rash is dying down, although I have few more days of stuffing meds in my system. Wishing my dental issues will stay there a little longer without any new uproars. How healthy is that? I’s not. But I am staying here, put, until I learn something new and solid about my rights and my future. The worst part is they know they are hurting us. And they still do it. Therefore, I decided to love myself, take a break, take some more meds and get well. Oh, and stay away from people that hurt me, and from politics. I told my friends to let me know later on, about the issue in hand.

In the meantime, will be learning some lines, prepare my garden for the summer and why not, write down my insight of the situation.

© 2017Carmen Silva

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